Re-Post 1: De-Evolution

09 MARCH 2006

My name is DubTak, and this is tonight's news:

The stigma around amazingly nerdy things has begun to project it's horrid siren's song directly into my brain. A year ago, I wanted as much distance from Dungeons and Dragons and any other RPG without a monitor to stare at. Now I'm actively seeking it out. I always hated how one had to read all 5,017 back issues of a comic to really understand the story. Now I have downloaded almost every old X-men and am (slowly) reading them.

What has happened to my precious desire for social acceptance? Where are the days when I was trying so desperately to fit in, vainly attempting to comprehend a culture to which I always seemed a step behind? I spent the vast majority of my still very short life trying not to be one of "those nerds". I could be a band nerd, but that led into a sophisticated taste in music. I could play video games, but only because they were fun and I never Role Played in any of the online ones. There has always been a wall between me and total nerd-dom, between being socially lagging and socially ostracized. But now, by some strange de-evolution (TITLE OF THE POST) I have torn down that wall, uniting my socially adept West and socially inept East in a glorious victory over the terrors of Communism.

Perhaps it is a desire to gain new experiences. Perhaps I am merely pushing my imagination, a frighteningly seldom used thing in modern American society, to its absolute zenith. I am, as it were, staking my livelihood on that imagination with regards to both musical composition and cinema. It is also possible, though unlikely, that I secretly hate society and wish to throw myself into the deep dark bowels of cultural exile.

But as I sit here, staring at a pile of dice with far too many numbers on them, I ponder what it is that separates me from doing anything. Are my inhibitions wearing away, or am I casting them off in search of new truth? Is this a period of growth, decline, or stagnancy? I have yet to discover the answers to all of these questions, but I can only assume that it is the journey to those answers that will teach me the most.

Hopefully I won't be so serious next time,
DubTak