Public Lapdance

Let's make a porn.

You and me, right now.

Don't worry, no one's watching. In fact, just relax; let me do all the work.

Trust me.

You like magic? Make you all hot and bothered? I got a magic trick for ya:
I'm gonna be completely naked WHILE KEEPING ALL MY CLOTHES ON.

mmmmhm, I'm gonna make you go crazy, I'm gonna make you sweat, make you scream.

With words.


That's right, this is going to be a text-based porn. Like erotica, you ask? Well......no.
See, erotica is actually pornographic. This is going to be...literary. That's something, right?


Wait wait wait wait wait! Ok, ok, so its not porn. It's more....public nudity. Scratch that, I AM putting in some effort. Let's call it a...public lapdance (TITLE OF THE POST). I get naked, proverbially naked, that is. I dance around a little bit, shake my word junk, strip off some pronouns, shimmey some dangling participles down my predicate, and add far too many commas, parentheticals (but only when they're important), and NEEDLESSLY EMPHASIZED ALL CAPS.

Did you catch that? My shirt, fwip, GONE. I'm all man above the belt, baby. Well...there's chest hair, so that's something. Muscles.....muscles are for losers! Yeah! Only steers and queers have muscles in their upper body....if you have upper-body muscles Santa won't bring you presents (unless you're Jewish, in which case he WILL bring you presents, just to fuck with you). Check out that strange, V-shaped chest hair. Like a wolverine. Like an inverted wolverine without sharp teeth or claws.

Did I mention this'll be the longest striptease you've EVER HAD? Stay tuned....rawr

-DubTak