Dizzy

I feel dizzy again, unbalanced. I feel sick, useless, frail. I cannot bring myself to do what is necessary, despite it being in my own interest. At what point did I convince myself that I am not worth saving? At what point did I stop investing in my own well-being? At what point did I stop being the smart kid and started being the slacker? The new location feels no different, the meds feel no different, except for the occasional day that I don't feel like I can't keep myself upright. How can I be so far from success, when I had so much potential? What have I been reduced to? Why?
Why can't I get out of bed when I want to, when I need to, when I scream at myself in my head for hours and my muscles don't work. A few doctors have told me that I am a product of no routine, that I have fallen into bad habits and simply reinforced them. I feel, however, that I have never had a routine, never been able to cling to anything productive.
My mind is afloat, bloated with fairly useless information. Know what a Tardigrade is? I do. Know why a Dorian minor scale is implemented? I do. Know how to get anywhere on time? I don't. Know how to not screw up? I don't.